It’s inevitable. Every break up is painful. No matter how many bad fights you’ve had, no matter how long a time you’ve been actually been waiting for it to happen, it still stings.
I think most of the time, it’s not the being left alone, being left behind that hurts. It’s the doubts, the unanswered questions, the asking when the lies must have started, when did the love fade, when did it start slipping away, and the loss of the confidence that cause greater pain. It’s the unanswered question of “what the f*ck went wrong when I thought everything was going well” that makes us cry.
Take time to party and celebrate the death of TV as the first and only Online Filipino Video Channel officially launches. Flippish is launching it’s bundle of LOLs, information, and emo-ness as they throw a bash to tell the world that TV is dead and Flippish is it!
These past few weeks have been good ones, but somehow, my smiles are forced and fake. I can’t sleep well, and I avoid being alone.
Kuya Andrew has noted that even if I do look better, my smiles aren’t the same. I thought it must be caused by the heartbreak. I would like so much to blame the loneliness, sadness on him, but that would be unfair.
Despite the relative success I’ve had, and all the wonderful things happening to me and around me, I realize I’m still that broken little girl. I am that girl still waiting to be told that I am worthy, I am wanted, I am loved. No matter how many of my dreams come true I will still need that pat in the back, somebody’s approval. Even if I have accepted, let go, and moved on, a part of me will never heal.
Mica said he is the bestest Kuya in the world, and I agree. While he is their family’s bunso and he has no younger siblings, but he is everybody’s Kuya.
Most of my life, I have been told to act a certain way, do certain things, be someplace I am not sure I want to be in. But I am finally where I want to be, writing. Writing has always been my passion. True, I am a science geek and I love Math more than the average person, but it has always been writing that I have been passionate about. It is the thing that I have always wanted to do.
Dahil ako na… ang mahilig mag-emote and mag-drama with my boys, boylets, exes, and other eklavu. At dahil gusto kong talbugan sina Catherine, Scarlet, Isadora, at ang bonggang-bonggang sina Madam Claudia Buenavista at Amor Powers, here are some of the lines I have uttered IN REAL LIFE in the recent past…
Boy: I’m sorry, I can’t take this kind of drama.
Ria: I hope you won’t regret letting me go.
